- Previously on Warehouse 13...
- If the Warehouse is to survive,
A new caretaker must be in place before I die.
- Me.
- You came into my house and stole from me...
Dismantled my life's work, and I will respond in kind.
The brotherhood follow no rules.
- I figured it out last week.
Whenever I get hurt...
- Oh, ow, oh, they got me.
- Claudia feels the pain.
[Japanese music]
♪
- In shinto belief, emperor jimmu descended
From the sun goddess.
He reigned for 75 years,
Often accompanied by a wild crow.
From that crow, there exists a feather.
Behold.
Beautiful, but deadly.
And money?
Also beautiful.
Now we drink to honor jimmu.
[twanging instrument]
♪
[wind whips]
Stop her!
- Oh!
- Claude, don't look, you'll go insane!
Whew!
[low buzzing]
Wait. - Huh?
- Something's vibrating.
- I think it's me.
Ugh, it's my sister, tracy.
Hey, trace, listen, I'm just at work.
I'll call you back--
What?
Oh, my god, that's great news.
Congratulations. - What, what, what, what?!
- My sister's pregnant.
I-I'm gonna be an aunt.
I'm gonna get to hold a new life in my arms.
Trace? Listen, what do you think about a japanese theme
For the nursery?
[announcer] Left in the second period...
- [singing under breath]
Oh, artemis, hockey, huh?
Who you rooting for? - Nobody.
- Right, let me see if I can explain
This whole sports fan thing to you.
Let's say there was a-- - Hello, kitties!
We're back from japan.
domo arigato.
- Put that thing under a neutralizer light.
- Whatever you say, rilakkuma.
- What's a rikaluma?
- It's a japanese bear
Who loves custard pudding.
- Oh, Artie, you got a new nickname.
- How would you like a new job?
- Hmm...
- I got it for my sister, tracy.
She's pregnant.
- Wow. - Yeah, I'm so excited.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- N-no, yeah, no, that's--it's just that
You know, she's, you know, the younger sister,
And you're the older sister.
- Are you living in 1957?
Getting pregnant's not on my current to-do list, all right?
[game goes off] - How about finding an artifact.
Is that on your current to-do list?
We got a ping from last night's game in toronto.
- Let's go to the videotape.
- Toronto's mike madden has the puck.
Baird is charging.
Oh! Baird nails him in the right arm.
- So baird has the artifact. - Watch.
- That looks like a career-ending break.
What a shame.
This vet's been on fire lately,
But you break your arm, and it's over.
- There, do you see that?
- I do. - See what?
What, she's the observant one,
And I'm the one who eats all the time.
- Hey, w-wait, he's up. Madden is up!
- So madden has some kind of healing artifact.
- Oh, he's healed, all right, and he's stronger than ever.
Fast forwarding.
- Baird with the puck.
Madden approaches him...
Wow!
- Whoa. - That's not hockey.
That's pole vaulting.
How the hell did he do that?
- That's what I want you to find out.
Stop that hockey player before he kills someone.
- We're on it.
- And I'm gonna stay here and keep you company.
- At least he does what he's told.
- Oh...He's so soft and fuzzy.
The bear too.
Oh!
- [sighs] oh, um, this arrived for you.
- What?
Who would write me at the Warehouse?
- I encourage you to open the envelope and find out.
- I've been cordially invited to lunch.
- Eek.
- By Mrs. Frederic.
Why? Why?
- Why don't you ask her? Over lunch.
- Do you think this has something to do with
The weird feelings I've been having lately?
- What weird feelings?
- I don't know, like, uh...
Out of nowhere I get these weird kicks in the gut,
My heart races, I can't catch my breath.
It's like I'm not in control of myself.
- [screams]
- Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?
- I don't know, I didn't wanna worry you?
Look, forget I said anything.
I clearly have bigger problems.
[crowd noise, buzzer]
[background chatter]
- Hey, are you guys going in to watch practice?
Could you take this in for me? - And this?
You know, for mike madden? - Are those molasses crinkles?
- Okay, keep moving.
- Okay, remember, for mike.
- [mouth full] oh, I love molasses crinkles.
- One thing I've learned in 20 years of running a team--
Never eat fan food.
It could be laced with who knows what.
Could make your parts fall off. - [spits out cookie]
- Coach! - [whistles]
- All right, listen up.
The league sent these nice folks out.
They have some questions.
You will answer them.
- I'd like to start with mike madden.
- Of course you would.
Anything to meet the most eligible bachelor in toronto.
[all laugh] - Pffft!
[background chatter]
- Hi, I'm Agent Bering.
- Well, it's nice to meet you Agent Bering.
- So, I just wanted to ask you--
- Why I was voted the most eligible bachelor in toronto?
- I'm sure I'll read all about that in your memoir.
Um, you've been playing rough lately.
- Right, and the league has a problem with that?
It's hockey.
- Well, you put a guy through the glass.
How'd you do that? - Well, there must have been
A crack in it already.
- But you'd just been injured very badly.
- Yes, but during a game, your adrenaline surges,
So you just keep going.
- Well how about now, are you in pain now?
- Look, every player on the ice is in pain.
We live with it 24/7,
But if you think I'm on something,
Feel free to draw some blood, or I could pee in a cup for you.
You got a cup?
- May I see that necklace you're wearing?
The league is cracking down on gold.
So I would like to test it.
Unless, of course, you have a problem removing it.
- [chuckles]
- Uh...You finished? - Yeah.
Gooery didn't need to be flushed after all.
Where you headed?
- Uh, inventory.
- Hang back, tray, I'm gonna need you.
Artie's lying.
- Hey, the team is winning
'cause we're all working our butts off.
- Oh, yeah? Well, maybe some people have a little help,
You know? Insurance.
- We're all clean here.
Right, boss?
- That's right, beast.
None of my boys take
Any performance-enhancing substances.
Now here's the x-ray you asked for.
Mike's arm, taken right after the game.
- No reaction. Good.
- Well, here you go.
And it's shinier than before.
- And stickier too.
Are we done? - One more question.
Do you like antiquing? - What?
- You know, going to flea markets, buying old stuff?
- Are you asking me on a date?
- Just answer the question like the team owner said.
- No, because it's a stupid question.
Good-bye. - There are no stupid questions,
Okay? Only stupid people.
So if anyone's stupid here, it's you!
He's hostile and unresponsive.
- I wonder why.
Oh, here I got the x-ray of madden's stupid arm!
- So wh--what, you can read those things?
- Yeah, I was pre-med before I was pre-law
Before I joined the secret service.
- And yet, you ended up in the exact same place as me.
I'm just saying.
- Something's wrong.
The hand in this x-ray shows a bilateral fusion
Between the trapezium and the trapezoid.
It's a congenital condition.
- So? And may I add, huh?
- So when I shook mike's hand...
I felt those bones, and there was no fusion.
- The x-ray's a fake?
- This isn't stupid madden's stupid arm.
We need to break into the medical office
And find the real x-ray.
- All right, we need a distraction.
I'm gonna jump on the zamboni,
And I'm gonna zoom around the ice while you--
- Pete, no one's--no one's looking at us...So...
- I know, but I wanted to ride the zamboni.
- I know you did.
It's okay. Let's go.
- No.
No.
[dog barks]
Trailer.
[dog whines]
- He's with me.
- You shouldn't have followed me.
- Artie, you're lying.
You know I can tell.
Now, what's going on?
- Artifacts are disappearing from the Warehouse.
First it was bobby fischer's marble and now...
Primo levy's scarf and who knows what else has been taken.
- I thought the Warehouse had a detection system
That alerts you when artifacts go missing.
- It should--it does, but it didn't alert my computer.
- Okay, so let's just call Claudia and--
- Nope, no.
No, we'll...Just keep all this between us for now.
Understood? - Okay.
- Well, this can't have been random.
I went myself to turin in 1987 to snag the scarf.
- So it meant something to you. - Yeah.
- What other items would get under your skin.
- The katana.
The katana.
Aisle kamakura east!
Come on!
- Come on, tray. [woof]
- Did you find madden's real arm?
- Yeah. There's no fusing in the metacarpals.
And, I mean, the bone is clearly broken,
But this--this I have never seen before.
The muscle and cartilage have actually
Grown around the broken bone to support it.
- That thing's being held together
By the artifact equivalent of spit and glue.
- Yeah, but it's not just his arm.
I mean, his knee is shot and his ribs are cracked.
- This guy should not be playing professional hockey.
- Pete, this guy shouldn't even be walking.
[water running] - [laughing] aw, man.
- Quick, before he gets out of the shower.
Okay.
Helmet.
The mouth guard.
Shin guard.
- Uh... - Penis guard.
- Eew.
- No reaction.
Maybe mike has the artifact on him.
- No, he's naked in the shower, and I already checked his chain.
- How much you pay me not to tell anyone you said that?
- 50 bucks. - Done.
- Okay.
- Really, that's how it's gonna be, eh?
- Well, what do you want?
- You're holding out on me!
- I'll go.
- I'll stay here.
- No, I'm not, I swear to god, I'm not.
- Then what's making you so strong, huh?!
- Back off, frank, or I'll do to you what I did to baird.
- Hey, knock it off!
- Stay out of this, man.
- No, I'm in it, okay?
And so is the league if you don't back off right now.
- Fine, man.
We're cool, right, mike?
- Yeah, yeah, we're cool.
- Aw, man, these were brand new.
[whispers] Myka, Myka.
- Hey, sign says team personnel only.
- Oh, well I must have missed it.
- Well someone's not very observant.
- Well someone's penis guard is not very b--
- Ho-kay.
Uh, why don't we let mike get dressed,
And, uh, I need to talk to you.
Okay? Here we go.
Come on. - Oh, look, there it is.
I see your stupid sign now.
- Mykes, mykes, he was fighting in there.
And he wasn't the same guy we saw on the ice.
He was in pain.
I don't think he's using an artifact.
I think someone's using one on him.
- What about larry kemp, the owner?
That would explain why he gave us the wrong x-ray.
- Well...Okay.
Let's just hope he's not in the shower too.
- Thank you, ma'am. Be right back.
- Miss Donovan, thank you for joining me.
- Sure.
Am I late?
Did I miss lunch?
- No time.
Let's take a walk.
- That's what the mafia says
When you're about to get whacked.
- Do they?
Well, this concerns your relationship with the Warehouse.
- Oh, my, uh, my destiny?
- And mine.
- Has something changed?
- Not yet.
I just think it's time you had a glimpse.
Don't worry, you won't be whacked.
Come. - Yes, ma'am.
- All right, kemp, spit it out.
What did you do to mike madden?
- Well, hello to you, too.
Canadian customs confiscate your manners?
- [annoyed laugh] - How's he sustaining
That level of play?
- Like all great athletes, he's rising to the challenge.
- He's practically crippled,
Which is why you showed us the phony x-ray.
- It's not like you had a warrant.
- Mike put a guy through the glass.
Now what are you doing to him?
- What am I doing to him?
Look, two of my best players are on the injured reserve list.
If I were doing anything to help him play,
I would do it to them and not an old war horse like mike madden.
- Aw, come on, I mean, the guy's having a great year.
- Oh, yeah, he really brings it for the fans at the home games,
And on the road, he's a total wash.
I think we're done here.
- Pete? - Yeah?
- I think we need to take a closer look at the rink.
So mike brings it at home games.
Ipso facto, the artifact must be here in the arena.
- Another facto, I was watching mike during practice.
The guy was wobbly.
- So what's here during games
That isn't here the rest of the time?
- I don't know, fans?
Mykes, maybe one of the hometown fans is "bringing it" for mike.
And that narrows it down to about 15,000 suspects.
- Gone!
Gone!
And gone!
Gone! Someone is undoing my life's work!
- Can you please stop for a second?
Look, we just need to think and get ahead of this thing.
Now is there any artifact the intruder might have taken
That's easy for us to locate?
- An artifact with a homing device?
Yeah, that would be convenient.
The mccoy rifle.
I snagged the mccoy rifle.
Don't just stand there!
- You do know I'm on foot, right?
- Excellent!
The mccoy rifle is gone.
And...Now we gotta see
If the hatfield rifle is missing too.
We have to separate both rifles.
- Wouldn't he take both?
- Not if he's trying to make a point.
I did not snag the hatfield rifle.
That was another agent.
If the hatfield rifle is here,
It will lead us to the mccoy.
Come on! - If you're trying to kill me,
You're too late.
- Look around, miss Donovan.
Do you sense anything? - Hunger?
I think there's a falafel place down the--
- Pay attention.
Look beyond what you see.
Her.
- Very good.
Don't point. It's rude.
- What is it about her?
- Stay focused.
[door opens, bell dings]
[baby coos]
- Be a good boy.
Did you set those earrings aside for me?
- This is a robbery!
- We're not here to intervene.
Stay with me.
- Don't move!
Don't!
Everybody just get down on the ground!
- [screams]
- No!
- Help is coming.
You're gonna be okay.
You saved that baby's life.
- I'm a doctor--if you're not needed, please step back.
- Did you know that was gonna happen?
- It depends what you mean by "that"
And what you mean by "happen".
- Well, I saw her bracelet get all glowy,
But I don't know what the artifact did unless...
Unless that was...
The birth of an artifact.
- Imbued by the bravery of a moment,
An ordinary woman doing an extraordinary thing.
- Shouldn't we snag it?
- No, it's hers.
It only becomes ours if it starts causing trouble.
- But d--I thought most artifacts came from...
Bold-face names, you know?
People with wikipedia pages.
- The creation of an artifact
Is simply the meeting of an object, a person and a moment.
- That's a good glimpse.
You got a rockin' gig, mrs. F.
- Mrs. Frederic.
There's something else you should see.
- Oh, uh, am I going with you or...
- Unless you'd like to take the bus.
- Okay.
- Look, mike, we can't get into specifics,
But we're pretty sure one of your fans
Is boosting your ability to play.
- Are there any particular fans that you interact with?
- No, I'm polite, but you gotta keep your distance.
- We really appreciate this.
We know that, um, this might end your season, so...
- Well, hey, if I'm getting some kind of outside help,
I don't want it; that's cheating
And, um, I don't cheat.
- All right, well, here's the plan.
We're gonna gather all your hardcore fans
Into one section, then we're gonna
Raffle off a dinner with you after the game.
- Yes, and early in the game,
You'll take a fall and pretend
To be hurt very badly.
- Like during the last game.
- Exactly, and then we'll, you know,
We'll study them very closely to make sure none of them
Pulls out a rolling pin or something.
- A what?
- Nothing. Just ignore him.
- Hey, uh, okay, we gotta finish setting up.
- No problem, I got it.
Agent Bering?
I still don't know your first name.
- Oh, it's, uh, Myka.
- Wow, mike and Myka.
Like papageno and papagena from--
- Mozart's magic flute.
[laughs]
You know opera?
- Yeah, yeah, don't tell my teammates.
Well, 'cause you never know--
- Hey, can we get going?
Uh, you can play mike's magic flute later.
- I have to go kill him now, so I'm just gonna...Go...
- Ugh, get me some popcorn and a tampon,
'cause I am watching a romantic comedy.
- What?! Shut up!
- Oh, yeah, you and mike meet,
You hate each other and the next thing you know, you're kissing.
- That's crazy.
- Oh, yeah?
'cause love is crazy, mykes.
[snaps fingers] That's right, girl.
I am the sassy best friend.
- We caught a break.
Hatfield rifle is still here.
Gloves.
- And how's it connected to the other rifle?
- Gravitational pull between the barrels
Fueled by the hatred between the clans
And also...Now your eyes are younger than mine.
You look through the sights, tell me what you see.
- Just... Okay.
It's just a window and what looks like a garage.
- Any identifying landmarks?
- Just a giant cow.
- Cow.
Like a cow with lipstick?
- Yeah.
- I know that cow.
It's outside a steakhouse in featherhead.
Excellent clue. Not a bad lunch.
Bring the rifle.
[crowd cheers]
- Marry me!
- Okay, guys.
Make sure you put your name,
Correct information, and your seat number--
Good job--
For the big raffle's after the game.
Whoo-hoo!
Oh, well, that's cute.
Just, I'm sorry, one card each.
- She's always over the top.
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Are you all set to do this?
- Who knows?
Sure. - I wish I could tell you more
About what's going on, it's just, uh...
- Unexplainable. - Yeah.
Sorry.
Thank you.
- You know, when I first met you,
I didn't wanna let go then either.
That was kinda unexplainable too.
For good luck?
- Look, mike's kissing someone!
- You go, girl!
[horn blows]
- Hey.
- Hey, there, buckaroo.
Uh...[stammering]
I-I'm the purse inspector.
[chuckles nervously] I know.
Where-- where's your mom and dad?
- Jakey, what are you doing?
Come on.
Our seats are over here.
[crowd gasps]
- Mike's hurt!
[crowd booing]
[whistle blows]
- [groans]
Oh, my god, what the hell is that?!
[screams]
[cell phone rings]
Myka, where'd you go?
- Pete, I'm in the ladies room behind section d.
I need you now.
- Mykes? - Yeah...
- Oh, my god, you're--you're pregnant.
- I know...
- You're really, really pregnant.
- I know.
- How the hell did that happen?
- I don't know!
- I'm guessing she had sex.
- Pete?
You know my--oh, Pete, my bra's really not made for these.
- Okay, okay, here, put this on.
- Yes.
Oh, my god, I had to get out of there.
The smell of ammonia--I- I can smell everything now.
- All right, well, in advance of what I'm sure I'll do,
I apologize. - Who?
- Right, okay, look, mykes, somebody whammied you.
- Ya think?
Okay, I know where and when,
But I don't know who, what, or how.
Both: Call Artie.
- If Claudia finds out you borrowed her prius c,
She's gonna rake you over the coals.
- Well, joke'll be on her then.
- What?
- Uh, nothing.
Hey, have you, uh, checked out this car's entune system?
It's got, uh, bing and pandora.
- Oh, what a relief. That way if we can't find
The missing artifact,
We can customize our music stations.
- Hey, caw. - Yes.
I think the garage must be nearby.
- Whoa! - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The hatfield rifle's starting to tug.
That means the mccoy is nearby.
[Farnsworth buzzes] Wait...
- Artie! - This better be important.
- Artie, I'm pregnant.
- Ha, ha and I'm mary, queen of scots.
What? How did you--Pete!
- [stutters] I didn't even touch her.
- Look, Artie, I was at the hockey and game,
And I felt this pain in my abdomen,
And then I don't know what happened
And I don't know why I'm starting to cry.
- It's hormonal.
- Don't say hormonal, okay?
It makes me wanna cry more.
- See, that's why I never married.
- Preaching to the choir.
- Look, Artie, this came out of nowhere.
We thought we were hunting for a healing artifact
Owned by a fan.
- A healed athlete, pregnant woman.
This could be a wish-fulfillment artifact instead.
Myka, what did you touch?
- What?! You--you--you think that I wished for this?
What is wrong with you guys?
Okay, I am very happy for my sister,
But I don't wanna be pregnant.
- Yeah, well, who else would wish this on you?
- Well, I don-- I don't know, Artie.
Uh, mike? I mean, we did kiss.
- Artie, the rifle-- I can't hold still much longer.
- Well, talk to mike, and no more kissing!
- He didn't even say good-bye. - He never does.
- Okay.
You know, Pete, maybe-- maybe I don't know myself.
You know, maybe--maybe I am jealous of my sister.
Maybe I did wish for this.
- Yeah, I don't think so.
- What makes you say that?
- Because I wished for it.
- What?
- Well, I don't know, mykes.
You know, it was just a passing thought.
I mean, I saw this cute kid, and I called him buckaroo.
- What would that have to do with me being pregnant?
- Well, I've been thinking, you know,
Am I ever gonna have a family?
You know, I mean, who wants to share my insane life?
And then, I realized that someone
Already shares my insane life.
- Just stop, okay?
Stop! I will not start crying again.
Okay, okay, what-- what were you in contact with
When you saw that little boy?
- The keychain, mykes.
The keychain, it had a bunch of things on it.
- Okay, okay, then we'll find the keychain.
We'll neutralize it.
But first, I have to pee.
- [grunts]
[metal clangs]
[gunfire]
- Close the door!
- Hey, are you okay?
- [panting]
What the hell? I could have been shot!
- Yeah...I--sorry, I kinda forgot you had the rifle.
- Oh, you forgot?
- Yeah, what are you getting so upset about?
You would have been shot, but you're on the metronome.
You wouldn't have died. - Yeah, but Claudia might have.
- Excuse me?
- Uh...What? No, no. I don't know.
- Steve?
You were saying something about Claudia.
Please, go on.
- All right.
Ever since Claudia brought me back, we've been...
Connected.
Every time I get hurt, she feels the pain.
- Oh, so that's the weirdness she was talking about.
See, I was afraid that-- something else.
Uh, she doesn't know. - No.
That's why I've been trying to lay low.
It's to protect her. - Yeah.
We gotta get you off that metronome.
- I've been looking into it, Artie.
I don't know if it's possible.
- At Warehouse 13, anything's possible.
You know, sometimes.
Yeah, we gotta get this rifle
Back in the trunk before you get Claudia shot.
- Guys, where is she?
The one who was sitting here?
- She left.
She was super-pissed at mike
For kissing that pretty girl.
- She wasn't that pretty. - Hey, she's pretty!
Wait, you have all the fans' names, right?
- Yeah, yeah. Uh, uh...
There, judy giltoy, I even have her address.
- Okay, just give me a push. - Okay.
- They're all here.
The katana sword, mccoy rifle...
- The van gogh.
Mata hari's stockings.
Huh.
Primo levy's scarf.
Artie nielson, this is your life.
- You okay?
- No, I'm not okay.
This is a massive breach.
- Which we stopped.
And as soon as everyone gets back, we'll all track d--
- No, it's too dangerous to--
There is a protocol.
I will inform everyone at the right time.
Let's just get everything back to the Warehouse.
- Artie?
Those are shipping supplies.
I'm not sure this is everything.
- Hello?
Anybody home?
Yup, we're definitely in the right place.
- Sorry about stopping.
I just so really needed mexican food.
- That other burrito was supposed to be for me.
- I know.
- Whoa, hey, check this out.
Turns out mike did know judy,
Which explains why she got so mad about the kiss.
- Pete, it's the same shot of judy in both of these pictures.
She photoshopped herself in.
- [exhales] - Yeah.
- All right.
"john giltoy, beloved father and grandfather."
He died recently.
Oh, he was a world war ii vet.
Oh, no way.
He survived the bataan death march.
He and his buddy, roy shrop.
Mykes, listen to this.
"with 20 miles remaining, shrop fell deathly ill.
"the japanese would have left him for dead,
"but giltoy urged him on.
"'you can do this', giltoy told his friend, over and over."
- Compelled his friend to perform an extraordinary feat.
He wished so hard, he made it true.
- Mykes, there were dog tags on judy's keys.
I mean, they were probably the grandpa's right?
So we just wait here for her to come home and snag the artifact.
- That's great.
But I have to pee again.
- Okay. - Okay.
- Hey, mike, mike, hi.
Would you get in my car, please?
- Excuse me, do I know you?
- Mike, I need you to get in my car.
- Pete, she's not coming home.
There's no toothbrush or toothpaste.
The drawers are all open.
She packed in a hurry.
She's gone. - Yeah, but where?
- Look, I really appreciate your--
- See, you shouldn't make me do this.
Then I wish your arm wasn't healed.
[bones crack] - [screams]
- Let's get in my car before I have to do your knees too.
You know, start again.
Hi. I'm judy, and I love you, mike.
And you love me.
You just don't know it yet.
- They found his keys and his gym bag on the ground.
Security camera showed a woman shoving him into her car,
But police couldn't read the plates.
- All right, uh, thanks.
We'll--we'll call you if we hear anything.
Judy has abducted mike,
And the police have no idea where they are.
All right, okay.
Uh...Clue.
Got to focus, focus.
Mykes, can you do your-- your observing thing?
- You know, it's kind of hard right now.
- Right.
Um, what about, um, what about your female intuition?
Right? I mean, you've never been more, you know, female-y, right?
So if you were an emotionally unstable female--
Not saying that you are,
Not saying that you are-- but if you were,
Where would you take him?
- There.
Grandpa left judy the dog tags, his ashes,
And I bet that he left her that cabin too.
- We'll get the address from Artie on the way.
- Hi.
I made us some hot cider. Hmm?
Oh, isn't this romantic?
Hi.
How you feeling?
- Better.
After you fixed my arm.
- Again. Ha ha.
You're welcome.
Oh, mike, oh, mike, mike, mike, mike.
I have done so much for you.
Now, my plan was to wait until after the championships
To tell you, but then I saw you kissing that woman.
See, I've been cheering you all season long, mike.
Wishing you to shoot faster and skate harder
And throw that guy through the glass.
Oh, and you didn't even know we were a team.
- I did not. - I know.
- So, uh, what do you want from me?
- Um, well...
We could start with a kiss.
- Okay...
Yeah. Close your eyes.
- [interested] mm.
[gasps]
[bones crack] - [screams]
- You are gonna wish you didn't do that.
- [snores]
- Whatever you're doing, stop, please.
My legs.
- Oh, now see, that's the pain
That you would have felt every day
If I hadn't wished it away.
- Wish it away again. Please.
- Um, no, I'm sorry.
Not until you learn to behave.
- [groans] [footsteps crunching]
- Shh!
Quiet.
Damn it, what's he doing here?
- [groans] - Shh!
- [groans]
Ow! Ow!
- Hey, are you all right?
- Not really.
She went out back, she's got an axe.
- Well, never a dull moment.
Dude, your leg's not supposed to bend like that.
- I know!
[groans]
- Judy?
- Pete! - Mykes?!
- I don't know how you people found me,
But I am not in the mood for this!
- Oh, my god, how much perfume are you wearing?
I'm gonna--I'm gonna puke.
- Hey! - Shoot her, Pete!
- I don't have a shot, mykes.
- Drop your gun, or I hurt your fat friend.
- Hey! - All right, just--
Hey, g-go easy, okay?
Obviously my friend is pregnant and harmless.
- She tried to shoot me with that weird gun.
- I dropped the tesla, and I couldn't pick it up.
- Okay?
We're both unarmed.
We'll get in the car and forget this ever happened.
- No, you won't.
You're gonna go get the police.
Which is why I now have to take care of this.
You really shouldn't have come.
I wish your lungs would collapse.
- [gasps for breath]
- No!
- I wish you were taking your last breath.
- [gasps] - Pete!
Pete!
No!
- [laughs] nice try, misery!
Surprise!
- Back at ya!
[electricity crackles] [screams]
- I hooked it with my toe.
- Ha ha. That's right.
Don't mess with the mama bear.
- Oh, my god, Pete.
Pete, I think I just peed myself a little.
Just--Pete, hurry, bag the artifact, quick!
- Yeah, yes, yes.
- Pete, quick! - Hold on!
- Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
I-I got my body back!
I have a stomach and a waist and hips.
It's all good!
It's goodie good good good!
[both laugh]
- [screams]
- Oh, my god, I should go check on mike.
- Eh?
[intercom chatter]
- Hey. - Hey.
- So, uh, how's mike?
- He's okay.
Hockey players can, uh,
Really handle pain. - Mm.
And you?
- Well, only my romantic comedy
Would turn into a steven king movie, so...
- Pretty good twist at the end, though.
- Yeah, how did you know to fake your own death?
- I don't know.
I just--after judy made her wish, right?
I realized that I could still breathe.
Of course, you know, she had an axe to your throat,
So I just kinda...Went with it.
- So why didn't the wishing work?
- I've been thinking about that too.
Maybe the dogtags just work on people that you love, right?
Um, like, judy's grandpa used it on his army buddy,
Judy used it on mike, I used it on y...
Do I--do I have a booger?
- Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
- Look closely.
- You just admitted that you love me.
- Oh, myke, I also love fajitas and cage fighting
And bald women-- I mean, sinead o'connor?
- That's a nice try, Lattimer, okay?
But face it, I wield tremendous power.
- Yes, you wield the power. - I do.
- Look, for the record, when it happens for real,
I think that you'll make a pretty great mom.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I mean, look at the way you protected me today.
And...I mean, you're really good at nagging.
- We should get going. - See?
- I'm just--I'm gonna go say good-bye to mike.
- I'm not gonna go say good-bye to mike because, I mean,
How many different ways can this movie end?
You know, I'm all out of you go, girls.
Gonna be talk to the hand from now on.
- Is this another artifact being created?
Because I don't sense anything.
Oh.
Is that mr. Frederic?
- Yes.
He's my grandson.
- But he's...
So you're son is...
Long gone.
Not all wonder is endless, Claudia.
[soft song]
♪